THE FAUX MULO-HAWK

THE FAUX MULOHAWK AND WHY IT SHOULD BE OUTLAWED

The Faux Mulohawk: A Definition

The faux mulohawk is a haircut currently popular among males in Australia. It is not a mohawk, a faux-hawk, or a mullet, but a nasty combination of the three. Essentially, the wearer has a fake mohawk with longish hair covering the back of his neck.

It is this

PLUS THIS

Which equals something awful between the two. Unfortunately, the only picture i could find (on such short notice) was this one:

The photo gives a fairly accurate, if mild, representation of the faux mulohawk> The problem is getting past the ridiculously SHORT SHORTS to the hair. On the plus side, it's an excellent introduction to Australia's favorite sport, rugby, and their uniforms, including knickers/shorts.

THE FAUX MULOHAWK IS NEGATIVELY IMPACTING SOCIETY

This particular hairstyle is causing an animalistic regression of the human species. The men of Australia who sport this style greatly resemble overgrown birds. That's right, birds. In particular, the rooster and casuary birds. These are birds who possess either a comb or a casque. In either case, the protrusion is located in hearly the same area as the faux mulohawk (FMH).

The comb is used by roosters to scare away other males and attrack females. We are all aware chickens are not particularly bright birds, which is probably why this works at all. Although the male looks utterly ridiculous strutting about with that thing stuck to his head, the female refrains from mocking laughter and ostracizing the bird from the flock, eventually embracing and even mating with it.

I am afraid this will happen to Australian society. The women will cease to recognize the FMH as an indication of stupidity, blindness, a manifestation of a weaker, less deseriable characterisitc, and reproduce with him. Thus causing natural selection to fail miserably. Fall flat on its face. Die in the arms of a cock-combed FMH-ing idiot of a man who was too weak to stand against society's joke.

Because yes, the FMH must be a joke. The fashion industry was bored, busy overlaying computer images when they created the FMH. You know they are all sitting in their offices, cracking up, and the guy who bet $20 it would never catch on is walking to work becuase that was his bus money.

Ramblings...

I am currently unable to sleep due to a combination of over-caffeination (I had a cup of coffee about three hours ago) and over-tiredness, which my body seems to think means "Keep going until clinical fatigue sets in, then go ahead and sleep". In the meantime, I'm awake, but unable to do anything productive. I could be researching one of the many topics i have papers due on this semester, or perhaps preparing for class on friday (no class tomorrow, thursday, thank goodness), but my body seems to have commanded my brain to cease all non-vital function> That is, I am breathign and that's about it... no cognitive function about the drivel I am writing here.
So things have been good since i got back. It was good to have madeline here- I hope she enjoyed herself. I felt bad a couple of days because I had class and we couldnt' really do anything. And although sydney is big and lovely, it's entertainment is limited. Or at least it is if youd on't konw what there is to do. Anyway, selfishly, i am enjoying have my room back to myself for a few more days. Jenny Kossler arrives on Monday. We'll see how that goes... I relaly do have to do uni work at some point (like before the night before it's due) and company can be distracting. Especially because company over the age of 18 means "party!" in Aussie.
By the way, i am proficient in Australian, but not fluent. Ben (housemate) said something tonight and I swore he was speaking goblin. But no, apparently it was his particular brand of english.
So the next coupel of weeks/ months are a bit busy. Still havent' turned in my paperwork to stay for next semester, but I am working on it. I've been a bit overwhelmed by the amount of work i have to do. I am still feeling pressured to find a job... mostly because I realize how much i miss working. It's nice to interact with strangers on a regular basis. Not sure why, but it is.
I am thinking about heading to new zealand in october... we'll see how that goes. I would really love to go to uluru or perth, but both are fairly expensive to get to, much moreso than NZ. We'll see how that goes. The way things look, i will need my weeks off to recover from not sleeping!
Uni is okay... my classes thus far are intermittently interesting, with boring patches and a chance of complete frustration. Im only ever frustrated with teachers who can't teach... they must not have to take any courses whatsoever in effective communication. There's this one lady who demonstrated how to do a differential stain (microbiology, not laundry) with her back to the class, completely obscuring plate... then told us all to "Shush!" whenever we talked. Labs, apparently, are silent places. It makes for a long couple of hours, especially when you have questions.
In another, we discussed how the NSW (New South Wales) government pays for methadone (prescription narcotic) for heroin addicts to prevent them from using heroin. Essentially, the addicts can recieve FREE narcotics (paid for by the taxpayers). They are not required to reduce their dose or eventually go off of methadone. The idea, as I understand it, is to simply prevent hte use of heroin. So they give them legal drugs instead.
I'm not sure how i feel about this. On one hand, it's an effective mechanism to reduce the spread of infections associated with intravenous drug use while negatively impacting the illegal drug trade and providing the addict with a safe (r) alternative to heroin. On the other, the taxpayers are supporting druggies. You see the conflict.
I wish I could say I'm tired, but I'm not. Perhaps I'll lay in bed and try to detatch the ugly glow-in-the-dark stickers from my ceiling using telekinesis. hey, it's worth a shot.

Cairns cont'd

Well, guys, as usual, i've done a horrible job of continuously posting updates here. BUT I will try to make it up to you by putting up pics from when I was in Cairns. Naturally, most of them are form the reef.
The amazing thing about the reef is that it really is an incredible as every picture makes it look. I thought maybe it was one of those natural wonders where all the pictures they take to advertise for it are taken within like, six square meters of ONE part of the reef. But no, all of it is absolutely amazing! We visited four different sections of the Outer Reef. I got to try scuba diving (WOW) and did a lot of snorkeling.
I also consumed a massive amount of seawater and managed to bruise my forehead with the goggles. I know, how impressive is that??? I've decided SCUBA and snorkeling equipment is ridiculous looking (i can't be the only one who thinks this), especially wet suits. Wetsuits, by the way, were apparently created to embarass me. Had a bit of trouble getting into one on the first day, had to have the guy help me, where he promptly had to be waaaaaay too close to um, my parts and staring directly at my cleavage. Wetsuits were clearly created by men as another way to give women cleavage. Seriously.
So enjoy the photos! Be jealous. I can't blame you!

CAIRNS

Sexy Suits, yeah?

Tuesday, July 24

We had just enough time to drop our things off at my room in Campbelltown, get something to eat, say hello to a few people, and fall asleep before 9:00 p.m. before we got on a plane to fly to Cairns.

Oh. The "WE" I keep referring to is my sister Madeline and I. Madeline is here for about two weeks visiting, which really isn't enough time to visit Australia properly, but is an awesome experience anyway.

So we flew into Cairns and arrived at our hostel, a place called Gilligan's. As far as hostels go, this is the Ritz. Large rooms with three way bathrooms and balconies, the beds are wide and comfortable and only squeak a little. The bunk beds are NOT in danger of collapsing... and it was clean. Except for the boys. The boys were not so clean.

THe first few nights we had a full room, with a couple of Germans and a couple of mutes. I'm assuming they were mutes because they didn't talk. I passed out almost immediately after finding food. I think my body was violently confused at to what time zone I was in and what appropriate sleeping hours were.

DAY TWO

We spent the day wandering around Cairns, checking out the main shopping areas and the tourist shops. Cairns is a small city, only about 150,000 people, but is the main port onto the Great Barrier Reef. Located on the coast of north Queensland, the lands surrounding cairns are diverse in nature. Coastal moutain ranges house some of the world's oldest rainforests (see Day Four for more details) and some of the world's craziest people. Oh wait. They all work in teh city, mostly on tourist boats. The main source of income in Cairns probably stems from tourism, but the area is fairly agricultural, with crops like sugarcane, bananas and tea.

Back to me.

and madeline..............

We began the day by walking down to the Lagoon. The lagoon is a swimming pool on the ocean's edge frequented by locals and tourists alike. unfortuantely, it was closed when we got there, so we didn't go swimming, Why would anyone want to go swimming in a swimming poool when the ocean is right there? Well, for aobut five to six months of the year, over the summer, the oceans become slightly inhospitable as the Box Jellyfish mature. The jellyfish is only a couple of inches long, but its sting can be fatal. So people tend to avoid swimming when the "stingers" are out and about.

Along the Lagoon are shops and restaurants, as well as large picnicing gardens. Naturally, this held our attention for about thirty minutes. We're a distractable sort, and all the brightly colored shops called to us.

Madeline's search was for a didgereedoo. They sell them everywhere, really, so it's easy enough to find one for under $50. However, these didge's are not authentic; that is, they have been mass-produced, and not carved out by termites and painted by the indiginous people. We did find reasonably priced authentic ones though, and relatively early, so we had the rest of the day to frequent every single tourist shop we came across.

Yep. We went into almost every single tourist shop located on the Esplanade, or downtown Cairns. Every single one....

I walked into our room at Gilligan's and thought someone had stolen a baby giraffe from the zoo and stuck it in there. All i could see was the LONGEST SET OF LEGS i had ever seen! And then I realized they belonged to our roommate, Nick, who clearly had issues wearing clothes. He didn't seem to be bothered that he was only in his boxers; he stayed that way.

We re-named him Nearly Naked Nick, in honor of his affinity for near-nudity.

It wasn't until that night I remembered we were supposed to have spent the day snorkeling... and we'd missed the boat completely. Fortunately, we were able to re-book and headed out to the Reef on Day 3.

Staying in Sydney

So here is where I stand right now. I've been living in Australia for about six months. And then I came home for a month on winter holidays. Just for the record, I am home for winter holiday from Australia means I left at the end of June and ended up back in Montana just in time for 100 degree weather and a hell of a good time.
But here's the thing. I initially headed to Australia for a year to study nursing. Basically, I decided to take a year off from actually working toward my degree while still going to school and go to Australia. If you can't figure out WHY I would want to do this, I can't help you out. Well, I could. But my fingers would get tired (all the typing) and you might get bored. Or distracted. My point is, it's something I've always wanted to do, so I did it. Consequences be damned! Theoretically, of course.
The consequence was a bit larger than expected.
No, I'm not pregnant.
No, I haven't lost half a leg, an arm, and an eye to a crocadile.
Yes, I've seen a kangaroo, but I'm not so sure what the major consequences of seeing one would be.
I've decided to stay in Australia to finish my degree. Not so sure what the consequences of THAT will be, but i guess I'll just have to wait and find out. Turns out life is a little like that. You have to live life to find out what's going to happen. That's a whole different story, unfortunately.

Brief Break from Tasmania Memories/Blogs

URGENT NEWS

Eh, it's not urgent. It's probably not even interesting. It's my love life. By the way, this is being posted about two weeks post-Tas. I'm just late in writing about my little trip.

So Tim and I are officially a couple. I think he must really like me, because the night before we made it official, I kissed another guy (Random #5) and the next day, even after I told Tim about it, he still wanted to be my boyfriend. So yeah. Maybe I caught myself a keeper, eh?

Right Moving on.

It's great. It really is a good thing, this whole relationship thing. I just, I dont know. I still want my unobtainable. Which is the point of an Unobtainable, isn't it? But sometimes i think I'm holding back in my relationship with Tim because i'm harbouring this childish, completely un-based idea that maybe Unobtainable will suddnely become obtainable or something. God, I wish my life were Cinderella's! Lol.

That's really about it. I got rid of the other randoms. Just Tim and Unobtainable. And me mourning the loss of my singleness! Riiiiiiiiiight. Hope you guys caught the sarcasm! More on TAsmania to come, including the actual interesting stories!

God Bless and Love!

Tassie- Day Two

Day 2

Day Two began early with the express intention of getting as far away from the Picked Frog as possible. Unfortunately, I had to order coffee, then there were no take away cups... so I had to chug my latte after it took the guy/hippie half an hour to make it... Anyway, I was just excited to be able to get coffee in the morning. Not having it would not have been good for my traveling companions.
Day Two... what did we do on day two? Oh yes. We had grand plans to drive to Lake St. Claire and the Cradle Mountains. Well, someone (might have been me...) misread the map, and was unable to read the travel guide (because I don't speak or read French) so we ended up at the Cradle Mountains and Lake St. Claire, but not at THE cradle mountain.
Things worked out fine, however, as we walked along some of the trains and observed the trees and various garbage birds who had eaten too much to fly. We then decided to go to Stahan to stay the night. Stahan appeared to be (on the map and in the travel guide) a good-sized town, which was good, because it was a Friday night, and hey, Friday nights in Australia mean drinking. Who am I kidding? Any night in Australia means drinking!
So we arrived to find Strahan, blinked, and lost it again. Yup, the map lied. Apparently, in Tasmania, towns with big dots on the map mean places where more than 500 people live. Stahan: Population 800. Not much for a night life, that's for sure.
We arrived in Stahan early, probably around two o'clock in the afternoon and headed to the beach. I was a bit hesitant to go to the beach, as the temperature was about, oh, maybe FREEZING! But Baptiste wanted to go. And I still felt extremely bad about the whole Cradle Mountain mis-reading thing, that I was like "okay". Besides, what else were we going to do in Stahan? Really.
So we went to Ocean Beach, a 33 km. beach along the west coast of Tasmania, and the most perfect beach in the entire world, I'm convinced of it. I don't know how to describe it... it was just peaceful. Quiet. Fairly un-touched and un-commercialized. It was the kind of place where one could just exist and not have to be anything beyond what they were just then. At that moment. No future. No past.
Perhaps I'm romanticizing it just a little bit. We went and got beer, which was the next logical step and drove back to the beach to watch the sunset. So we sat for a few hours, just drinking beer, not really talking, watching the waves roll in and just... being, I guess.
Dinner was at a fish place on the bay. The great thing about Tas is that no matter where you are, the seafood is fresh. I ordered Fish and Chips, as I was starving for a large quantity of grease and had a hankering for a clogged artery. Anyway, we're sitting there, talking about something, completely exhausted, and suddenly there's a bit of a disturbance at the next table. An elderly gentleman has suddenly lost consciousness and vomitted everywhere. I felt obligated, as there was no one else, to go and see if I could assist the man's wife and cousin (found that out later). I reasoned if it were a true emergency, I was competent enough to manage the situation. Or at least help. Put the man in the recovery position, or whatever needed to be done. Fortunately, such measures were unnecessary, as he regained consciousness, was mentally coherent, etc. and the ambulance showed up.
After that bit of excitement, we went back to our cabin, a small two room sort of trailer behind the local grocery store/petrol station/restaurant/hotel. Seriously, it was that kind of a place. Complete with the woman without three teeth working and air that smelled faintly of old grease and tobacco. The kind of place that was depressing in every way, that artists and extreme optimists would say had "character".
Baptiste and I were just glad to have TV (something to do after it got dark outside) and Loriane wanted to do schoolwork, clearly defeating the purpose of vacation. So Baptiste and I watched "I am Sam"; I made it through without crying. How proud are you? And then we crashed for the night, planning to get up and go early the next morning to the ACTUAL Cradle Mountain, then head to Launceston.

I can't upload any of the pics of the Perfect Beach, but I will work on it!
Cheers!

Tassie- Day 1 (finally)

Tasmania
The Wilderness State

Photo disclaimer: I did NOT wear the exact same thing every day. The weather was slightly colder than anticipated, which is why I am always wearing my "jumper" (sweatshirt). I did, in fact, change my clothes.
Background Info:
I decided about a month ago I wanted to travel somewhere during intersession break. I was not particular about Where I wanted to go, the main criteria for determining the location of my travel being the cost of the plane ticket. My friend, Baptiste, is as addicted to traveling as I am, found plane tickets to Hobart, Tasmania, for $138.00 round trip... so I said, "Hell, why not?"
We later invited our friend, Loriane (also French) to accompany us. I think we invited other people to discount the cost of the car (more people=less money for each) and to dispel any awkwardness that may arise from being a single guy traveling with a girl. But anyway. I'm getting off track...

Day 1
Our plane left at an ungodly hour, which is probably why the tickets were so inexpensive. To put it into perspective, i think that any hour before noon can be considered ungodly. Thus, even if the flight was supposed to depart at 11:59 a.m., I would have considered it too early. On the plus side, we decided to fly out early so we could have more time in Tas to explore before flying home. I live an hour outside the city and we had to be at the airport and check in half an hour prior to departure; therefore, I was up at 5:30 a.m. (!!!!) in order to meet Baptiste adn Loriane for the 20 minute walk to the train station at 6:30, catch the train at 7:00, and arrive at the airport at eight, check-in and fly out at 8:40 a.m. So it was a bit of an early morning.
The flight was uneventful. Shocking, I know. You'd expect a two hour flight from Sydney to Hobart to contain something wonderful... but it didn't.
We arrived in Hobart, claimed our luggage and picked up our rental car, a new-ish Hyundai Accent. We would eventually name him Henry and he would become our constant companion and friend. *Sigh* how I miss him!
We drove immediately to Hasting Cave, just south of Hobart. Hastings Cave is one of several large caves located in Tasmania,reputed to among the largest and best in the world. Unfortunately, they failed to impress me. Although the cave formations were beautiful and amazing, the tour was less than stellar. Instead of providing useful information about anything, the woman just walked us up and down slick stairs. I took pictures anyway, like a good tourist.
We drove back to Hobart to find a place to stay. It's been getting dark earlier and earlier, so by 5:30 p.m., we were driving in the dark. I was in the backseat, completely and happily oblivious to what was going on in the front seat. My apathy was spurred along by the fact they were speaking French. Turns out Loriane is not the best at giving directions. Every time I looked out the window, we were on the same street, but I could ahve sworn we'd been driving, making turns, etc. Ah well.
We finally found a hostel. But being so ridiculously tired, we took the room without seeing them first. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!! The Pickled Frog (we didn't get a clue from the name) was a little on the old and dirty side. The floors slanted, the showers were beyond scary (internal shudder.) And we shared a room with three people we didn't know. Not such a big deal, except when someone snores. Loudly. All night.